The Last Day of the Year Presents You With Two Things

well, not really, but i thought that was a funny title...wasn't it?? FUNNY FUNNY!! LAUGH you plebians. anyhow, today is the last day of the year and the arrival of CYN...i capitalized her cause it's sorta like a holiday...New Year's Eve...Cyn's Arrival..potato potahto. ohhh..speaking of potaoes..actually tomatoes, i've discovered my newfound love for tomato soup...man, i just may live on that for a week. actually, i just may. i did wake up with a bad headache and the nightmare that my tongue ring (why do they call it a ring? it's more like a rod) got horribly twisted. yea, happy last day of the year britt! i feel great now, though. but i gotta run, i'm off to spend my free $25 at Suncoast.....and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

well, nikki was right, it does take 5 Guinnesses to me to allow someone to stick a big needle (it actually is pretty big) in my tongue. it wasn't that i was scared really..or thought it would hurt (keep in mind #1- i've never gotten anything pierced and #2- i've had a kidney stone...pain isn't the same anymore)...it's just i wanted a good dose or...uhh.."medication"...as my mom put it. anyhow, it wasn't all bad...eating is a bitch, so i'm not too happy with that. it's all worth it though, and i thank you again nikki, since i was slurring so bad i couldn't quite get the words out right.


last night i met sarah out at kouri's cause aaron was coming out. aaron is our old friend from Monicals that moved to maine a few years ago. actually, aaron and i were pretty close for a while, like best friends. then after going off to college, she just changed and pretty much stopped talking to me...and finally when it came out she told me inso many words that she "no longer liked me and didn't wanna be friends" now that hurt. i mean, your friends don't break up with you. so i was pretty damn hurt my first year at ISU, and eventually i healed...i mean, when your friends just stop liking you, you begin to question YOURself, and not "oh, she's a bitch anyway." i thought i was geniunely an annoying person that everyone soon would wise up to and dump. of course, those feelings past. and aaron and i have talked (obviously) since then. but we're not real close. we hang out when she's home, but honestly, it's a chore. like last night at kouri's, i just wanted to go home. she was pretty clear on how she thinks a tongue piercing is stupid. i was pretty clear on how her opinion sucked ass and it wasn't her tongue that was pierced. sheesh, like i need your validation. anyhow, i stayed an hour cause i could barely talk anyhow, and she's the same old aaron and i didn't need THAT.


in other news, cyn is due to arrive in over a day and i'm super psyched...i just hope she can understand me when i talk. and that Joe, The Fascist Manager will let me leave a little early so that i can book it to the Peoria Airport to go get her. ah well...i'll just leave a little early without Mussolini's OK.


ps- pictures are available of the piercing, but you'll have to ask nikki, you WON'T get them from me

look diana!!! that Creve Coeur ho IMed me *

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* isn't really that Creve Coeur ho

i knew today would go shabby when i realized, sitting in the tub, that the water i had run for the dishes in the kitchen was still going. so i jumped out of the tub, towel around me, mind you, and ran out to the kitchen....nearly fell and broke my ass too...luckily, it just ran into the other sink. AND, i get to work and i'm working with karen....argh...but you know what...the day wasn't too bad. so far, i mean it's only 2:40 PM. adn someone buy me the new Nada Surf CD dammit...ok, it's not new...but i want it!! by half birthday came and went...what's wrong with you people?? ahh..ok, back to reality...depending if i work tomorrow or not, i'm getting my tongue pierced. yea, i know...ouch. no, not really..it's just a needle people.

new gallery is up...check it out under "christmas"...or click here you lazy jackasses..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
it was a white Christmas in Central Illinois...hope everyone is happy and safe...and err...drunk too..

this Christmas Eve, i present to you, Pictures From the Big Ass Snow Day








my mom...damn...she ran from the picture










the snow in front of front of my house










outside of pepperoni's back door










the back of my car...being BOMBARDED with SNOW










a disgruntled britt is angry at all that damn ass snow

kjkj2a168 (11:14:34 AM): kickitsquirrel,I have the sexiest body ever! You can click here for pics if you dont beleive me!

i seriously doubt that kjkj2a168...i mean that IS a highly esteemed title to hold...have you seriously checked out EVERYONE on earth's body and compared it to yours? and where the fuck did you get that lameass screenname? oh, ok, i shouldn't talk, but still..


today is christmas eve day...followed by christmas eve night..or christmas eve, if you will. and what am i doing all day? well...i thought i'd spend it working. it's not too bad really, but let me give you a run down so you know where to catch me.

12-3: work at waldenbooks (argh)

3-4: get oil changed (pretty damn christmas eve-y if you ask me)

4- ?: work at pepperoni's...both delivery AND bartending...good schedule making joe..and we have no offical close time..just "whenever we slow down" ok, how about 5:15?

[undetermined time]: go feed the giant hamster that goes by Hopper..throw small party at nikki's...heh, just kidding nik

then it's party at my place...well, ok, my parents place, then i shuffle off to brad's house. brad is one of my cousin (and manager of waldenbooks) 's oldest friends. he's now a major make up artist in hollywood. he also does the star trek (ick) stuff. i saw him do a lecture at ISU, he's super talented and really nice. so it should be cool to hang out and have a few drinks at his house. i also downloaded a bunch of xmas songs...ha...i never have to BUY xmas music again...too bad i waited this long to download it all...

i decided to get super old school on you guys hence i was digging through some old pictures tonight...coming soon....Yearbook Pictures, The...








SUPER old school...like 1981...britt couldn't swim and is being held by her extremely overprotective sis
(she still is too..oh, and i still can't swim..but i wear less life jackets)










this one is from my 15th birthday...i dunno why i'm trying to look so innocent...i wasn't drunk or anything










me at my senior prom...i'm a goof...i was making fun of me dancing

Random Thoughts Today:

"get the fuck out of my way!"
"stop staring at me fatty"
"out! all of you! you waited too long to buy your damn books"
"bite me karen"
"i don't care what the book is about sir, spit out a title please"

again, i wake my ass up to go to another city to work at waldenbooks. this time the lucky recipient is Champaign. i'm a little bit scared this time because i'm going by myself and i don't have any of my Pekin cohorts to turn to. but i do have a slew of numbers i can call, but it's not the same. anyhow after today, i'll be fine...hell, i may be manager, who knows. NO NO NO, i did NOT say THAT. damn.


anyhow, bowling was interesting last night, considering the Delavan bowling alley was CLOSED. but they did have this surreal ghetto xmas tree in the middle of one of the main roads. and when i say main roads, i mean back alleyways. heh. so nikki and i went to Pekin's bowling alley...and geeez, there are some ugly people there. i can't believe i used to hang out there. wait, i didn't...i just sort of grew up there. see, my mom was on 2 leagues and my dad on 1 when i was little. i spent a lot of time out there sunday nights and friday mornings...that is, when i wasn't being babysat by the mall. dear God, no wonder i am a messed up child.

enough of that, i gotta get going..have a good sunday everyone!

i'm feeling more like myself now. today went good...i thank anyone who was a part of it...except jon, he pissed me off at work tonight and i was THISCLOSE to popping him in the face...and i'm not even a fighter. anyhow, at waldens, i did another Britt Fuck Up...i swear, what is wrong with me..i care too damn much about my job or something..and bill and barb had stopped in, and pry sensed my distress and commanded me to go over to applebees with them...well, ok, i was pretty willing. God Bless Killians Brewtus....and they paid for lunch, and i again, thank you bill and barb...sheesh, i'm such a mooch. anyhow, then i ran barb's (belated..hehe, her bday was in sept) gift over, and she gave me some CLARITIN!! wooooo!!! and we took a shot..of something..yes, i was on my way to work...but damn was i feeling good, except for the i'm-going-to-smash-jons-face-in thing...unfortunately, i was not that busy, the restaurant was, being we were on the "You Gotta Eat" segment last night on channel 25....damn...no wonder, they pry never mentioned delivery on it!

we had to put Harry down today, he had been really intensely sick (infected with AIDS it seems)..so this post is dedicated to him...and i'm doing it the only way a Cathoilc knows how..with the good ol' faithful departed prayer i have committed to memeory:

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

just when you thought i was lying....it's been confirmed...by El Stinko herself...

nikki says: i do stink

I’m going to scam drinks like a bandito.
Tab? I don’t need no stinkin’ tab.


so what bar sign represents YOU?
(thanks roland...i ripped your link.)

i think i may go around and take some outside Christmas pictures today, or spread some good will...whatever comes first...probably the former. but today is the day i shop for Everything I Don't Have Bought Yet...yes, thats' right, it's all capitalized cause it might as well be a DAMN BOOK...sheesh..the things i do on my day off..plus i'm going to help nikki upload her pictures so you'll get to see the beautiful land that is Virginia and not Illinois. damn...this may be a short post..

i'm in a MAD picture posting mood right now...or is it just tonight??? so i give you The Christmas Decorating Pictures of The Duley family








my cat Lizard...isn't she festive?










me and Lizard...there i go with that spy stuff again..










my mom. she doesn't like her picture taken.










but i GOT HER!!!! AH HA HA









that's my mom's metal face...she enjoys megadeth...no, actually..she doesn't...










my dad also thinks he's a celebrity...and CAN'T have his picture taken.










nice try dad...got your profile shot.










out tree...but it's not fully decorated yet...so more pictures to come soon..










the Some Little Girl and Santa statue on top of our tv.










more decorations...the Stupid Ass Dancing Queer Bait Santa is on the right.










me trying to stab the Stupid Ass Dancing Queer Bait Santa with the scissors
(mom saved the damn thing)

dammit...i thought i'd conqured that damn ass flu i had all week then i went out drinking and now i feel like more shit...i guess it wasn't completely gone...ARGH!!! damn you sickness!!!!! I NEVER GET SICK!!! what the fuck???

we were pretty damn busy at Walden's today, so you know what THAT means...a well-loved "Things To Point Out About My Shift Today"

- what i'd LIKE to say to customers that blow me off about the Preferred Reader card : "FINE!!!! PAY FULL PRICE FOR YOUR BOOKS BITCH!! (applicable to male or female) SEE IF I CARE!!!"
- when we just have ONE copy of a book in the store and NO ONE can find, i make it my die hard mission for the day to uncover somehow (number of missions successful: zero)
- for God's Sake people, when i talk to you...RESPOND! your mom gave you a tongue for a reason (note: i realize that I was painfully shy when i ventured into Waldenbooks as a child, but i WAS a frightened weak little child)
- note to customers in my way when the phone is frantically ringing and i'm on the other end of the store: i WILL run you down
- i've given up selling the Preferred Reader to certain people. yes, i'm biased...just take your porn and leave Stevie *, Happy Holidays!
- the girl on the cover of Penthouse is damn ugly
-customers interrupt my writing down of these with their damn purchases


* name may not really be Stevie


it actually WAS an enjoyable day and i DID get 4 Preferred Readers...but damn so many funny rants were going through my head, so i hope i made you dear readers laugh a little and KNOW i am not a scrooge...i just don't like stupid people/stupid questions/and most old people

CABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how i've missed you so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funniest thing i've seen all day:
Elvis shopping at the Deb shop while Eminem plays over the music system.


oh yea...and Claritin is on the market!!!!! woooooo!

Braveheart and Black Kitty are insane...my god...those kids have so much energy in the evening..maybe i am sick, i have absolutely zero energy when i get home. AND i went to bed at midnight last night....after a failed attempt to watch a bootlegged copy of 8 Mile...instead i opted for Men In Black. my mom got in late tonight, she got delayed like hundreds of times...ok, not hundreds...but very damn close...*shakes fist at Air Tran*...anyhow, i'm at home now, about to go into job #1, take my 2 or so hour break..in which i take phoebe on a filed trip to see my mom, as well as allow ME to see my mom for the first time in 2 weeks, take her back, and go off to job #2...ugh...what a charmed life i lead..

look! i'm back...well...i was a bit shy around this thing cause it's not mine, and i only get on it when i'm fixing up stuff real nice for nikki...but it's sooo fast...damn..oh and by the way nik, i fixed your archives..so my geek work for the week is done now. anyhow, last night i DID NOT have a party and NO, none of you are coming over...for Pete's Sake, i think these people actually LIKE me, they're letting me watch their house for the week, i'm not going to ruin it....plus, i do not have enough friends to constitute a party...

i'm having fun enough with the dog and cats...oh and the hamster...they're a blast. i've been at a loss for names at times so i call the black cat "black cat" and the calico "Braveheart" (her face kinda looks like it)...oh yea...the huge hamster is just hamster...yes yes, i know it's a Guinea Pig. tomorrow i'll take Phoebe (the dog) to see my mom, she gets in from Florida tonight...in the ghetto airport...oh wait....THIS is the ghetto airport...sorry.

if i'm MIA for a few days, it's because i'm housesitting for nikki...and i've got a gimp finger that makes it hard to type and i think i'm coming down with something flu-like. let's just say i didn't get a good night's sleep last night. anyhow, i'm feeling better today, so it could have just been a one night thing. of course, i am due for an illness, so who knows. anyhow the computer they have is really really nice, AND it's a cable modem...damn...i'll be finished with the internet in like 20 minutes. but anyhow, as nice as it is, i won't be on it all that much, i don't even like spending a lot of time of my sister's computer....i spend A LOT of time of mine, so i can't bear to do so on anyone else's...it's a guilt thing maybe. anyhow, thank God i'm off today, and tomorrow i don't work til 4, so the animals will see enough of me to feel like they aren't alone. wednesday is gonna be tricky, i'll do a lot of running around. so i'm done boring you with this week's schedule....cause you all care so much...plus "the Simpsons" are on.....

at last...what you have all been waiting for....

The Complete Idiot's Guide To Surviving a Job at Waldenbooks

-when people accidentally knock a book off an end cap or a shelf, make them feel like it's all their fault.

-when you don't have a book available in the store, offer it to them in Spanish.

-tell customers they stink.

-tell people how books such as The Great Gatsby end.

-if someone asks for a recommendation for 9-year-old boy, suggest a Penthouse.

-drink heavily before work if possible.

-if they do not have a preferred reader card, threaten their children until they sign up.

-pretend you're reading the new Harry Potter book behind the counter. don't allow anyone to look at it.

-"well, what they're PRY gonna do is just blow up the mall...no one knows when..gosh, i hope it's not today" (applicable to the Pekin store only)

-alternately raise and lower your voice to make people question their hearing.

-belch often. (karen not included)

-phone other stores and tell them how much Pekin rules and they deserve to be shut down.

-growl at the customers. (ok, britt already does this...)

-when a customer comes in and says "yea, you called me earlier, said the book i ordered is in," reply with "oh THAT...yea, i lied to you...it's not even orderable."

-answer the phone with, "what do you want?"

-keep saying "that's nice" to customers.

well, i'm off to the town of towns..Normal, IL. it's just a mini visit actually..stacy has to work at 3. but since this mecca of a town is so damn cool, i couldn't resist. that's right folks, this is my escape. this is my road trip. dammit...but hey, i'll get some Christmas shopping done. so i must go now, Interstate 74 is getting antsy....

Two Strange Dreams From Around the Way

i had some strange dream in the past two nights...ok they weren't that strange, but nikki insisted i post about them cause she's on crack...cause that IS what you do on blogs...i just never have. oh yea, and these'll be short because they were short and insignificant and i can't remember crap

dream #1- i was watching Attack of the Clones and there was this scene, you know like the darth vader shadow scene..where if you look you can see darth vader..or his shadow..or hear the "Imperial March" ...well anyway, he (Anakin that is) was walking into the bar on Coruscant with Obi-Wan and at one point when the light hits his face (he was wearing a hooded cloak too..weird), you could see a demon face..and it was evil...really evil looking...almost scary..so that kinda freaked me...it woke me up. it was thinking "great, THIS day'll go good, i just had a Star Wars NIGHTMARE"


dream #2- i don't remember much of this...just bits and pieces..sorry make that TWO bits. ONE: i was at home coming back from some party or gala..or celebration..or something..anyhow, cyn was there too..but she wasn't WITH me...in which i'd discovered "DAMN! i forgot bill and barb took her there, but then left early! oh my God! i left her somewhere in Pekin!!" luckily, a few seconds later (cause for some strange reason i delayed the rescue cause i felt the need to check my email) cyn walks through the door..but she's not mad, she's fine..evidentally she walked home..and was ok with it. hmm...ok. so the next thing we're off somewhere else with my dad driving (what the ?) and a good song comes on..i tell him to keep it there...then Nada Surf "Hyperspace" comes on and i'm like "OOO OOO....Nada Surf!!! on the radio??!!" then i realize the reason all these great songs are coming on in a row is because it's my MIX CD in there!! d'oh

hey look, i'm posting at NIGHT..weird...i dunno if i have ever done that before. great, i'll drastically change the course of the universe now. WAY TO GO BRITT. dammit, i need a road trip...bad...if you guys don't hear from me soon, it's cause i've possibly jetted off to somewhere in Colorado. no, seriously...you all know i'm doomed to spend the rest of eternity in Pekin, IL..arggh....that just bummed me out...til tomorrow....

i had a pretty good day today, both at Waldenbooks and Pepperoni's, but i was still provoked to make a little rant list:

more tales from the Stupid at Pepperoni's

- don't have your kid call in an order...it's not cute; it's annoying
- stop looking at the hours as you walk in. the lights are on, the door is (obviously) open, the BIG neon OPEN sign is a pretty damn big clue...why wouldn't we be open at 7:30 PM in the evening??
- why would you want soup on a delivery?? better yet, go ahead, pay $2.50 where it's 39 cents a can at the supermarket genius
- "Hi, i'd like to pick up a pizza" [seconds pass of silence] hmmm..gotta tell me what you want first genius

i use the word genius a lot...

i didn't really want to post about this, but i guess i should, i mean it's therapuetic right? anyhow, the situation has since resolved, so it no longer bothers me. so yesterday, i was doing just fine during my shift at waldenbooks, although i was working with karen, and not only is she the assistant manager (ie- no fun), but i really really don't much like working with her...it's nothing personal, just professional....plus we really have nothing to talk about. anyhow, i screwed up a return. BAD. this girl brought back a book her husband already had..no big deal, it was purchased the day before, so i'm thinking this is going to be easy...plus it was on her credit card, which means i just swipe it again and bam, the money goes right back on your card. ok so well, she paid with a preferred reader AND the book was 25% off or something, so you'd think the register would recognize all that and redo the book at 25% so everything is all even right? wrong. it doesn't do shit for you...and YES, i should have looked at the receipt more closely...but dammit i've been there over a year, i'd think i knew what the fuck i was doing...and it's not like this isolated incident was that bad, it was the way karen treated it...and of course, told me in so many words how i had fucked up. that made me mad...seriously...i was UPSET...i dunno why...do i really love and care about my job that much?? i mean i went from "God i hate Waldenbooks, i hope this dinky three hour shift flies by" to little things that happen in the store that bug the shit out of me. i mean , i was waldenbooks #1 fuck up..seriously, i was NOT good (see my old PR percentage)..at all...then i went to springfield, and i dunno...got good, started to care, so when something like this happens..so THAT'S why it probably upset me so much..oh and any undisclosed stress i have..which i have..piled up, but i don't want to talk about THAT...this post is probably boring enough.


but it doesn't stop there (man, this is a whopper post, i ought to fuck up more). we needed to find her #, cause she needed to come back in so we could redo it. i look up her name in the computer...nothing. luckily, i went to high school with her, so i look up her maiden name...and i get a match..but no #. what the hell?? ok, i was getting angrier, something i'd never shown at waldenbooks....i think karen was afriad i'd throw the monitor. so i go to the phonebook..guess who's unlisted? damn. so i call information for her #, and THAT was the biggest task i could have taken out of Tazewell County's information line..cause she was an uber bitch, i think she was getting imaptient with me cause i was so frustrated i couldn't read back the name and address right (we did have an address through the computer), so i just hung up on the bitch. since i was off anyhow, i flew out of there...i was about to lose it. but i was still bugged about this, so i went to infospace and entered the address and city, and BAM, got a #...thank God it was the same # and address as her maiden name's. so i call her up, leave a message explaining the deal and give them walden's #, and then call the store and tell them. so i feel better...DAMN.


britt's longest post EVER....continued...now for the rest of my day..ha..well, i felt better, went into pepperonis, which was half productive...i wasn't as busy as i could have been, considering how cold it was. but on the bright side, nikki informed me at applebees that she pretty much told karen to leave me alone (god, it's great to have a pet bully) AND got her to decide she needs to apologize...damn..i didn't really want THAT...but wow is that nice...nikki's a super cool person, i'd recommend getting one (i dunno where sorry...try ebay)..anyhow after the two damn big beers, me and joey watched The Boondock Saints at his house.

and i wore goofy pants today.

confidential to the creepy bald guy in the trench coat with glasses:
seriously dude, you're not being very surreptitious with your porn magazine buying...and you REALLY should have a PR card; the rewards you could get with your porn are astrnomical.

so yea, another day at work, although i only worked one job today. i worked a REAL shift at Waldenbooks today...yea...well..in Pekin at least...which means i got a lunch, which means i got to pay bills on my break...argh. well, there's nothing in the "mall" (and i use that term loosely) that defines itself as a eating destination. i have the night off...so we'll see what happens...

i think "bastardo" is actually Italian for "bastard"...so see...i've been legit after all....

i was in the modd to post...ie- a smartass mode...but i think it's gone by the wayside...crap, i think i used it all up at work. dammit, i think consulting is still down...so my galleries thus are as well. sorry you Chicago-loving and Captain Rons-loving and Florida-loving fools....ummm..sorry, Captain Ron's has no website, so i couldn't link it. anyhow, it seems Springfield Illinois no longer wants any more of the britt, so i'm just going to enjoy my sunday and monday off from pepperonis...not Waldens mind you, i STILL work at the Pekin store. but i leave you with two silly things my dad has said in the past two days:

"Hey Britt...have you seen this...The PHANTOM Menace????"
"It's not too early for a beer is it?" (current time :10 am)
(and i need to mention he already had it in his hand and opened)

stay tuned for
The Complete Idiot's Guide To Surviving a Job at Waldenbooks